Dating

So I haven't been in a real relationship since the summer of 2009 and it definitely is strange (but a very good strange) to be someone's girlfriend and to call someone my boyfriend and talk about them (i.e.-I hung out with my boyfriend this weekend) to other people. Even though it is a strange feeling, I am really happy.

Although I haven't been in relationship in quite some time, I have had numerous "things" and "trials" with guys, but nothing long-term. After my last thing ended in October, I was bound and determined to stay single for a long while (and by awhile I mean several months). When I hit my one month of single-ness I was excited and happy to tell people. It was a month and half in that my single-ness changed and when I had to make the decision whether or not to get into a relationship, I had to think about that. I had to think about whether I was getting in a relationship that I wanted to be in, and that I was going into it for the right reasons...not for the sake of being in a relationship. Besides the me factor, I also have to think about the guy that's involved, because I was at the point again that if I didn't see it going long-term, I wasn't going to put the guy through a relationship that is bound to fail or end.

So why haven't I really been in a solid relationship in awhile? I think the main reason is that I didn't have to worry about someone else: I didn't have to worry about their time, what they were doing, what they were thinking, etc. I didn't have to worry about making time for them, including them in my plans, having them meet my friends or family. What I do realize now though is that if you find that right person: that one who just makes you smile just thinking about them, that you don't necessarily have to worry about those things, you want to do those things because you want to.

Another reason I didn't want to be in a relationship was because I felt like I didn't have the time. I work two jobs, 50-60+ hour weeks, I workout everyday (for the beginning of this year, this has dwindled down just to weekends, but will improve due time again), play soccer, go to church, hang out with friends, eat, breathe, and sleep...now where in that do I have time to fit in a boyfriend? And who would want to date someone with that crazy of a schedule? Sure, I sound like a work-a-holic, and I probably am, but some of it--the whole keeping busy part of it--helps cope with others things that I can't or don't want to deal with at the moment. This, I know for a fact is an unhealthy coping mechanism but I have done this all my life, and with time, and probably a more secure financial footing, I will learn to work less, and enjoy "free-time" for myself.

So...I'm in a relationship now, and we've been dating for two weeks and then some, and it is going really well. Sure it hasn't been perfect but we are happy, and that's what matters. A lot of the questions or frustrations mainly has to do with time, and not seeing each other too much. I would probably say that is more on my end than his, but we are working on it together. From what he has told me, and I have told myself that the time we spend together will be even better because we don't see each other all the time. I realize this but it is certainly different from the relationships I've had in the past where we spend a great majority of our time together. I feel a little frustrated not in the fact of not seeing him enough, but the amount of time we actually spend where we can "be together" (I can't really further explain this, but I wish could..although some people may know who I'm talking about or know the situation). I am just being a girl, and I know that things will get better in all aspects of our relationship, which includes my worries, but it is good to just state them and have them out there as long as I don't let them control my feelings or control this relationship.

How is the relationship so far? It is going so well, in that like I've probably said before, I've never been happier with anyone. I'm not sure what it is about him, but who he is as a person, makes me feel like I want to be a better person. It is not that I am a bad person by any means, but he has such great qualities about him that inspires me to be better. I guess a good example of this is just how he is with people. I don't know how to explain this too well but I feel like when he's in a room full of people, he stands out not because he tries to but because of his personality, how he interacts, how genuine he is. I don't know, there are so many things I like about him. I like the fact that he has his own life, but wants to include me in it. I like that he brings out the best in me (I hope I help bring out the best in him), and helps me stay positive when I feel like the world or a situation is bringing me down. I like how he jokes around with me, and I like the feeling that we could talk forever, and that we have forever topics to talk about.

Conversation in this relationship has yet to really be a struggle, and I find that amazing. Conversation has always been a problem with my other relationships in regards to the fact that I am always the one to talk, or I always have to start our conversations. I don't mind helping or starting out the conversation from time to time, but when that is basically my big role in the relationship, it begins to seem one-sided. With this guy, I feel like we both play a role in starting, keeping a conversation.

I don't know the future yet (which I wish I could) but I have high hopes for him and I. I don't think he realizes how great of a guy he is, nor does he realize how lucky I FEEL that that he CHOSE ME.

We're going to end here before people start turning into mush so I'll leave you with a good quote that I really like:

"Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life. Don't be trapped by dogma - which is living with the results of other people's thinking. Don't let the noise of other's opinions drown out your inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary."