So I guess I'm into lyrics about how I feel about my depression or how people feel about my depression, so here's another set but this one is specifically to how the ones that are really close to me or know about depression in general may feel.
"Save You" by Simple Plan
Take a breath
I pull myself together
Just another step till I reach the door
You'll never know the way it tears me up inside to see you
I wish I could tell you something
To take it all away
[Chorus]
Sometimes I wish I could save you
And there's so many things I want you to know
I won't give up till it's over
If it takes you forever I want you to know
When I hear your voice
It's drowing in a whisper
It's just skins and bones
There's nothing left to take
No matter what I do I can't make you feel better
If I could only find the answer
To help me understand
[Chorus]
That if you fall, stumble down
I'll pick you up off the ground
If you lose faith in you
I'll give you strength to pull through
Tell me you won't give up cause I'll be waiting for you to fall
Oh you know I'll be there for you
If only I could find the answer
To take it all away
[Chorus]
The bolded words are the ones that seem to stick out in my mind. I think if the one person takes a look at these lyrics, he will completely understand these lyrics. Actually if you've been reading my post, you'll know the one person I'm talking about...David.
Time and time again I've heard variations of these phrases from him. He wishes he could figure out some way to help me, or say something to make me feel better.
Honestly, the best thing David can do for me or anyone really is just be there.
1) You don't need to say that you don't understand (because in most cases you won't, unless you have depression or experiences with people/friends/family/etc who have had depression) and you don't need to figure out a way to understand my situation.
I hate it when people try to understand my situation or say "I understand" when they don't because they feel like that's the only way they can symphathize or attempt to empathize with me. Like I said above, you can't really understand where I'm coming from unless you lived it or had personal experiences with other people. To understand somewhat what I'm talking about you would have to have personally experienced depression. All in all, the only person that will ever understand how I'm feeling or what I'm dealing with is ME.
2) I just want your support, your love, your smiles, your hugs and for you to let me know that you're there for me.
As much as I hate it sometimes, I do like the hugs and the smiles I receive from people just letting me know that they're there for me and that they love me. It hurts sometimes: to know that you can't be superwoman (or man), that you can't do everything on your own, and that you do need help. I may not need help all the time, but surely asking for it is a tough one for me, and I think for everyone in general. I would love to think that I can tackle my world with all of it's problems, disfunctions, and sticky situations, but I can't, I just can't do it all. I can only do, what I possibly can do at the moment, and leave the rest of it to another time or moment.
2) You don't need to feel sorry for me, constantly watch over me, or change how you act around me (yes I might overreact sometimes, or cry, or get mad but that's usually due to my mood, or how I actually feel but that doesn't mean you need to feel like you should be walking on eggshells around me).
I HATE IT WHEN PEOPLE FEEL SORRY FOR ME. You would think that's what depressed people want or think that all we strive for is attention (hence the cutting, the suicidal thoughts, etc). There may be people out there who do those things for attention but that is the last thing I want to cause. If I could, I wouldn't tell anyone because the last thing I want to put on someone is guilt, or sadness, or worry or even begin to feel my pain. I never ever want someone (even a person I strongly dislike) to feel the deep pain I feel inside. David has felt it I know, and it makes me sad to make him upset, or frusterated over something of mine because it's my issue and he shouldn't have to be drained with my problems. I wish sometimes I could just keep my problems to myself so I cause nobody harm but myself but that wouldn't get me anywhere would it?
3) I really want to be treated like every other human being (treated the same as you have treated me before).
I don't think anyone in this world likes to be treated differently from amongst their peers, their co-workers, their classmates (I know people could beg to differ but there are always people who won't fit a category or this category to be specific). I just don't think that my depression should have to change who I am. Yes it definitely effects my behavior and how I may handle specific situations, but it doesn't change me to the point you have to be cautious around me. I am a bubbly, outgoing person, who loves to be around people but has some tough moments/days/weeks but I still am Cheeto or Charito (however you want to call me).
4) You don't need to tell me things that I already know, or be my counselor, or tell me how I'm feeling or how you think I'm feeling, tell me what I should do, or try to fix me.
Please in no way try to question me like you're my counselor or tell me how I'm feeling. That is about the worst thing you could do. I mean please, just be my friend, but don't be so nosy or think you know how to deal with my situation. Unless you're my psychologist, psychiatrist, doctor, or therapist, etc (anything that qualifies a person to deal with my depression) you don't know what you're dealing with. Even those who are qualified may not always understand what I'm talking about. Even I sometimes don't know how to express my feelings, so how someone else besides me even identify with what I'm feeling? I'm sure sometimes you could guess, but to label me with feelings, instead of asking me, isn't the way to go. Please don't keep asking me how I feel if I keep telling you that I honestly don't know. Sometimes I just don't know, and it may take awhile for me to figure it out, or maybe I won't ever know how to identify how I feel.
5) I really want to be like you guys, to be able to cope with my problems, to not cut ever again, to be able to work on my relationships that I've let go, and to feel happy about a day without questioning why this certain day is going so well.
This is probably one of the things I yearn for but I know that this depression of mine is going to stick around for awhile and that it may never completely go away. I haven't cut in 2 weeks and 5 days and I'm hoping to keep that going for a long while if not for the rest of my life. I know it's probably one of the most degrading things for me to do to myself. But number explains itself, I just want to be normal. But is there such a thing as 'normalcy' or are people born to be imperfect?
That's it for now.
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