I haven't been feeling the best lately thus the lack of posts.
It is days like this that really show me how important I am to people even when I want to shut them out.
This is just a thanks for those who have been willing to listen, to be there when I'm sad, and for caring enough about me to help me. I don't know what I would do without any of you guys, and I surely appreciate everything.
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Today is a day that I've felt like God is with me. I really need Him to help me get through this week. I really just need to make it through this week, and then I think or maybe I do know that things will finally move forward.
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I can do this.
Monday, March 7, 2011
Thursday, March 3, 2011
Day 2: Your Best Friend Of The Opposite Gender
Here's a short thing on my lovely best friend:
What's your best friend's name? Stanley Kwiecien
How long have you been friends? Since 2007.
How did you guys meet? We met working at the help desk together and guess what? We still work there together?
Why do they mean a lot to you? Stan means a lot to me because even though we don't always have the most time to hang out, he still gets me. He gets me at work when I yell at him for being an dummy or he gets me when I need to be left alone, and he just gets me. He is probably one of the rare people who I've ever balled in front of which in essence is a HUGE deal. I do not allow myself to fall apart in general and so to show that much emotion in front of someone means that I know I can trust them and that they mean a lot to me for to me to do that.
When was the last time you guys out? It was probably a couple of weeks ago, we hung out at his place. All I know, is we need to hang out more, because he is a great friend.
Do you live close to this person? Heck yes, all that is between us is a freakin' alley way and there we are. We didn't even talk about where our new places that we were going to move into and we somehow picked pretty much right across from each other.
What is your greatest memory with this person? His 23rd birthday party. Enough said.
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Stan, thanks a lot for just being able to listen to me and just simply being a great friend. I know that I am not always around and I know that we should hang out more but I just want to say thank you for being my friend. I hope you will always be in my life, and I am glad that we are neighbors and I hope that because of that we can make more time to see and hang out with each other. I know I make that a little difficult because I am not merely around enough but I hope we can try to keep up with the tradition of hanging out every week to every other week? Who knows. Just remind yourself that you are truly an amazing person, and that I am lucky to be your friend.
Wednesday, March 2, 2011
Day 1: Your Best Friend
I am one who has a few best friends but because I have already mentioned the other ones for this specific one topic I thought I would tell you more about another best friend of mine :)
Here's a short thing on my lovely best friend:
What's your best friend's name? Jessica Baer
How long have you been friends? Since 2nd grade.
How did you guys meet? I think it was in Home Base (the before school program) probably just ran into each other and started talking. We were in 2nd grade so I'm sure we just started playing with games or sitting in the same area.
Why do they mean a lot to you? She has always been a friend that has always been there for me regardless of the school changes we went through in middle school when she went to Central and I went to East. Then we met up again in high school and yes we weren't the closest friends and we didn't talk very much because we were in different groups but I have always kept her in my thoughts and what not. I would say we became best friends again when we finished high school. I moved off to Fargo and we started chatting again. Every time I go back home, I always make sure to see her at least once. She means a lot to me because I know she cares a lot about me and she wants me to be happy as well as I want her to be happy. She is a great person who has had to overcome some sucky life situations and she's living life to the fullest.
When was the last time you guys out? It was when I was home for Christmas and we went out to lunch and hung around the mall. It was a ton of fun because I hadn't seen her in over a year and it was really great to catch up about her life and what not.
Do you live close to this person? Heck no, and I wish she was closer because she's from my hometown and that is about 3 and a half hours away.
What is your greatest memory with this person? Honestly, probably the memories that consisted of us eating outside in 2nd grade and on for lunch and just laughing about and having fun as always.
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Jess, here's a sincere thanks for always being there and for sticking around and still asking me how my life was going even though we had a falling out due to school/life changes. Thanks for texting me and always asking how I am, who I'm still with (even if you forget his name...which now you haven't), how my jobs are. I have not too many people who are as honest, caring, and genuine as you. I love you, and I miss you!
Here's a short thing on my lovely best friend:
What's your best friend's name? Jessica Baer
How long have you been friends? Since 2nd grade.
How did you guys meet? I think it was in Home Base (the before school program) probably just ran into each other and started talking. We were in 2nd grade so I'm sure we just started playing with games or sitting in the same area.
Why do they mean a lot to you? She has always been a friend that has always been there for me regardless of the school changes we went through in middle school when she went to Central and I went to East. Then we met up again in high school and yes we weren't the closest friends and we didn't talk very much because we were in different groups but I have always kept her in my thoughts and what not. I would say we became best friends again when we finished high school. I moved off to Fargo and we started chatting again. Every time I go back home, I always make sure to see her at least once. She means a lot to me because I know she cares a lot about me and she wants me to be happy as well as I want her to be happy. She is a great person who has had to overcome some sucky life situations and she's living life to the fullest.
When was the last time you guys out? It was when I was home for Christmas and we went out to lunch and hung around the mall. It was a ton of fun because I hadn't seen her in over a year and it was really great to catch up about her life and what not.
Do you live close to this person? Heck no, and I wish she was closer because she's from my hometown and that is about 3 and a half hours away.
What is your greatest memory with this person? Honestly, probably the memories that consisted of us eating outside in 2nd grade and on for lunch and just laughing about and having fun as always.
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Jess, here's a sincere thanks for always being there and for sticking around and still asking me how my life was going even though we had a falling out due to school/life changes. Thanks for texting me and always asking how I am, who I'm still with (even if you forget his name...which now you haven't), how my jobs are. I have not too many people who are as honest, caring, and genuine as you. I love you, and I miss you!
30 Day Friend Photo Challenge
I've decided to do one more 30 Day challenge and then no more challenges but I like this one a bunch. Also, please if you're in this do not take it by the title but more by the explanation I put in there. This is all for fun and a good read I suppose.
Also for the people that I've already put in the challenge for that specific topic, I am going to pick different people for that topic.
Day 1: your best friend.
Day 2: your best friend of the opposite gender.
Day 3: a funny friend.
Day 4: a loud friend.
Day 5: the friend attached to your hip.
Day 6: a wise friend.
Day 7: a smart friend.
Day 8: a sweet friend.
Day 9: a nerdy friend.
Day 10: a redneck friend.
Day 11: the friend that changed your life for the better.
Day 12: the friend that knows everything about you.
Day 13: the friend you’ve known the longest.
Day 14: your most fashionable friend.
Day 15: the friend that will have the most kids.
Day 16: the friend that makes the best food.
Day 17: your friend with the best laugh.
Day 18: a friend you miss.
Day 19: the friend that lives furthest from you.
Day 20: the friend you know you can always rely on.
Day 21: the friend that could pass as your sibling.
Day 22: the friend you wish was your sibling.
Day 23: your cutest friend.
Day 24: a high school friend you still talk to on a regular basis.
Day 25: your shortest friend.
Day 26: your tallest friend.
Day 27: your hyper friend.
Day 28: the friend that will fix your car.
Day 29: your most athletic friend.
Day 30: the friend you hung out with most recently.
Also for the people that I've already put in the challenge for that specific topic, I am going to pick different people for that topic.
Day 1: your best friend.
Day 2: your best friend of the opposite gender.
Day 3: a funny friend.
Day 4: a loud friend.
Day 5: the friend attached to your hip.
Day 6: a wise friend.
Day 7: a smart friend.
Day 8: a sweet friend.
Day 9: a nerdy friend.
Day 10: a redneck friend.
Day 11: the friend that changed your life for the better.
Day 12: the friend that knows everything about you.
Day 13: the friend you’ve known the longest.
Day 14: your most fashionable friend.
Day 15: the friend that will have the most kids.
Day 16: the friend that makes the best food.
Day 17: your friend with the best laugh.
Day 18: a friend you miss.
Day 19: the friend that lives furthest from you.
Day 20: the friend you know you can always rely on.
Day 21: the friend that could pass as your sibling.
Day 22: the friend you wish was your sibling.
Day 23: your cutest friend.
Day 24: a high school friend you still talk to on a regular basis.
Day 25: your shortest friend.
Day 26: your tallest friend.
Day 27: your hyper friend.
Day 28: the friend that will fix your car.
Day 29: your most athletic friend.
Day 30: the friend you hung out with most recently.
Monday, February 28, 2011
No Title
I am sorry that this blog is going to feel a bit neglected due to the fact I have decided to write more in my private blog than this one because of the topics and people I talk about. I feel more free in that other blog and I know exactly who is reading it.
It is nice to have this blog still because I know there are some people still reading this and this blog is mainly for updates and happy things that are going on with me.
Like I mentioned before if I know who you are and you want to ask me for access let me know. It is very limited to the people who are close to me and the people I trust. Please don't feel left out of my rants or vents because those rants and vents should honestly not be in the public. I didn't realize before how those posts could be affecting the people I'm talking about because to me it was just an outlet. I was also a little preoccupied with the fact that my site was getting a bit more traffic than I was used to. For me to blog is a way for me to vent and to deal with my feelings in a different way. I do not want to occupy myself with thoughts of how many people are reading my blog. I do admit it is a nice thought that people come to either sites to read what I have to say or because they care about me.
I know a bunch of people don't know what's going on but could you or anyone just pray for me? Pray for peace, strength, and courage to get me through this week. I really need it and I just want to do all the right things...I want to make progress.
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So, in church we talked about images and masks that we all tend to put on, whenever, wherever, and the fact that instead we should all learn to just be ourselves. God wants us to be just as we are and nothing else because He loves us no matter what. I believe in that statement but still an interesting thought. It makes me wonder why we can't just do that to one another? I guess in one aspect it seems unrealistic but in another it doesn't seem all that unreasonable. I guess I have to chew on that concept a little and maybe get back to it at some point.
The point is, is that I wear a mask on a daily basis. Yes, I am going through some pretty rough times right now and that is the only way I think I can prevent myself from falling apart.
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It is also in our best interest to not disclose that deep stuff about ourselves to everybody around us.
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I'm not sure if I have anything else to say about that topic right now but it was an interesting topic and I completely related to it.
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I really like church and what faith it has brought back to me. Also when I'm there it provides me with peace and comfort that I need to learn to bring home with me. I guess I've never seen such genuine people from church in a long time. At church I am also part of the tech team which really has helped me socialize with people at church. I really like being on that team because it also helps with the sense of belonging to this church.
Saturday, February 26, 2011
Old Blogs And Old Memories
So, here I am reading an old blog of someone's and reminiscing about old blogs of my own. Anyone remember Xanga? I remember when that was the biggest thing out there back in high school. I remember starting up Xanga because it was the cool thing to do. Wow, it definitely brings back some interesting memories.
I had a Xanga site for so long and from reading someone's old site makes me regret deleting all my posts. I know at that time in my life I needed to forget some past and old memories and that is why I deleted them. Now, I would have loved to read them and see exactly what type of person I was like then, plus I am sure my subjects were interesting and sporadic.
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Talks about old blogs and past memories just makes me think of things like specific things that make you remember people. Okay, let me expand. I have dated enough people (from when I was 14/15 till now...yeah, I know) and thus I have things that triggers memories of past boyfriends. There are songs, places, movies, words or phrases that remind me of them and our past. Luckily, there are only a few things that brings back memories I'd rather not remember but for the most part when that happens I just think about it for a split second and move on. An example? I was watching Blood Diamonds (well I was half sleeping) with my boyfriend and his roommate and it reminded me of my ex David because we had watched it with his family when we first started dating.
Memories do fade and sometimes are forgotten but lucky for me I remember a lot of things (or not?). I don't know, although my ex's do not matter and for the most part I don't keep in contact with any of them often (like it matters as long as we are JUST friends), it is still a different feeling for me when they randomly pop up in my head.
Just makes me question whether or not you can ever really get rid of memories of someone or people that have either been involved in your life for a long time or people that meant A LOT to you. Is it possible? Is it possible to have a memory of someone and have it really mean nothing anymore or will they always bring back those feelings you had with that specific memory?
I guess for me, with the old memories and people involved it depends. It depends on if I'm harboring any internal feelings that I have not really allowed myself to get over or to feel. If not, then for me the answer is no and those memories come and go in a heart beat with little to emotion at all I suppose.
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Just a random blog and a random thoughts.
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And if people haven't noticed I have moved a few posts to a private blog just to be fair to the people I write about or what not. So please ask if you want to read those posts and I will let you know if I am okay with that.
Thursday, February 24, 2011
Psalm 40: 11-17
Lord, don’t hold back your tender mercies from me. Let your unfailing love and faithfulness always protect me.
For troubles surround me—
too many to count!
My sins pile up so high
I can’t see my way out.
They outnumber the hairs on my head.
I have lost all courage.
Please, Lord, rescue me!
Come quickly, Lord, and help me.
May those who try to destroy me
be humiliated and put to shame.
May those who take delight in my trouble
be turned back in disgrace.
Let them be horrified by their shame,
for they said, “Aha! We’ve got him now!”
But may all who search for you
be filled with joy and gladness in you.
May those who love your salvation
repeatedly shout, “The Lord is great!”
As for me, since I am poor and needy,
let the Lord keep me in his thoughts.
You are my helper and my savior.
O my God, do not delay.